New site!!

Hey everyone.  I'm moving!  I have set up a Wordpress site - http://acynicsviewoftheworld.wordpress.com/ - regular service will continue on there.  Be sure to follow the new page as this one is now redundant.  I've been having a few problems with Blogger so I'm bailing.  The new page looks pretty sweet so please check it out =]

Realisation of the obvious #2

Smoking - Probably not that good for you.

Realisation of the obvious #1

So this is a little thing that got started over on www.thehardcoreeffect.co.uk  but never really went anywhere, so I'm using it.

This 'Realisation of the Obvious' was brought to you by Benji Hardcore;

Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream - It's pretty fucking expensive.

Also, is anyone else having trouble with blogger?  I can't see my followers or post a comment on my page. Anyone else experiencing this???

Much love. x

Letter to Myself

So I've lately seen a few people doing this, where you write a letter to yourself when you were younger, giving yourself advice.  It's pretty cool and can give readers a bit of insight into the writer's life.  That's what I found when I read other people's anyway, so I thought I'd do one, partially for myself and partially so that you guys could maybe learn a little about me =]

So here goes...

Dear 15 year old Me...

Hey, how's it going?  Stupid question really, I know exactly how it's going, which is pretty good for now.  There's a few things I should warn you about though.  You've just turned 15, things at school are pretty good and your social life is not too shabby.  Pretty soon your mates are going to start smoking weed, now everybody experiments, so go for it.  Don't start smoking that shit every day though, it's expensive and it makes you stupid, I mean, really fucking stupid.  It's ok to be dumb on the weekend when you're with your dumb friends, but it's not so cool to be dumb when you're at work and you have to converse with members of the public.  Plus, if you start smoking that shit every day, you'll get addicted to tobacco and then you'll be stuck smoking for the rest of your life, I still haven't managed to kick the habit.  No more than once a week, seriously, or I'll kick my own ass right now.

Get a haircut.  I'm not joking.  You think that your 'Buff' (as Jack named it) is cool, but you look like a douche.  Girls aren't into that shit.

Pretty soon Rachel is going to have a party.  Now, have a few beers, that's fine.  It's not fine to get absolutely shitfaced, kiss every girl that will stand still and end the night kissing and touching up your friend Darren's ex-girlfriend.  Especially not right in front of him, like, on the couch next to him.  Oh, one of those girls that you might kiss is Jen, the one you and Ben joke about in Biology?  The one with a head like a hot-air balloon.  Yeah, you know who I mean now.  Sloth will save you by breaking that shit up, but your tongue will totally touch hers (bad times).  So think before you drink sunshine.

Whilst we're on the topic of drinking, when you get to about 17, drinking is going to be a big part of your life.  Take it fucking easy.  It's fine to go out, yeah, but try not to get so drunk that you...

1. Cry
2. Expose yourself in a taxi (although that is kinda funny)
3. Hump a jukebox (again, funny. The landlady wont think that though)
4. Have a 'who can fall down the stairs best' competition
5. Lose a shoe and walk home barefoot
5. Sleep on the floor in a public toilet

None of these things are good.  Especially not the public toilet thing.

Now, this letter is going on a bit, so I'll bullet point the other points that I have to make...

-When you go to college, do the fucking work or you'll be stuck with a dead-end job.
- Stay funny, it's the only way you'll be able to get girls, I mean, you aint much of a looker.
- That German army shirt you wear all the time?  It looks like shit, sorry kid, someone had to say it.
- Steer clear of magic mushrooms, if you take them you will almost puke because you think your bathroom is 'too yellow'. Your bathroom is white.
- When that crazy girl asks 'are you going to piss me off?' Say no or she'll bust your lip.
- Don't let Ben use your hair as a 'Laura Tasche'.  Paul will tell her 'They're taking the piss out of your moustache' and the next day she will shave it off.  Funny, yes.  But also really, really harsh.
- When you find that Cornish Pasty in Darren's room, make sure you put it under his pillow.
- Writing 'Merk F is a fat gay' on the pavement outside Mark's house is totally worth the shit you'll get from his Mum.

I think that's all I can tell you.  If you take my advice, you'll turn out just fine.  Or... you could choose to ignore it, in which case you'll end up just like me.  Yeah, scary shit.

Yours truly.

Reader's responses

Hey all, thanks to everyone that offered suggestions on my last post =]

Amanda;  I can see how 'My Mum is on Facebook'  might be interesting for some people to write about.  In my case though, my Mum is on Facebook and she's fairly cool, so unfortunately it hasn't thrown up many comedy moments for me to write about.

Christina;  Your 'Tag! You're it!' was awesome but I live on an estate where there are just small children hanging around all day and I don't fancy being accused of being a pedophile.

Tbr; Hmmm... 5 people I would invite round to dinner... That is quite a difficult question.

1.  Frankie Boyle - Amazingly funny, sarcastic, cynical comedian.  If you aren't familiar with him I highly recommend checking him out on Youtube.  He'd throw in a few of those sharp one-liners resulting in awkward silences.  I think Me and Frankie would get on very well.

2.  Chad Ginsburg from the band cKy.  I watched the Infiltrate, Destroy, Rebuild DVD and Chad is hilarious.  He spends most of his time wasted and shouting at people, which reminds me of myself a little bit.  He would add the 'comedy drunkard' part of the evening. Plus he plays bass guitar and Moog synths which is pretty sweet.

3.  Richard Cowie (aka. Wiley).  I am a huge fan of Grime music and this guy was the founder. I'd ask him to MC, possibly with Chad playing the synth. Would be a strange, but equally awesome combination.

4.  Chris Tucker.  Basically because his voice just cracks me up.  Plus, I liked him in Jackie Brown. I think he'd be fun to have around.  You have to have the 'Token Black Guy'.

5. Kate Beckinsale.  Eye candy, pure and simple.  She's English too, which is a plus.

Now, I know the conversation at this dinner party would be rather low-brow, but that's the way I like it really.  I know a lot of people would include the likes of Einstein or Martin Luther King but to be totally honest, how much fun would you have chatting to those guys all night?

So how about you guys?  Who would you invite over for dinner?


@In My world I ROCK!  I will definitely try the googling blog topics option, probably for my next post.

Chatch you later. x

Your turn!

Right, so I'm having a bit of a tough time thinking of topics to write about.  I like to post fairly regularly but I'm finding it harder and harder to think of stuff.  So I want to ask you guys for a bit of input.  Is there anything you would like me to write about?  Anything that you would like to hear my thoughts on?  Anything at all?  You can ask me questions, just offer up a topic... it's totally up to you.  It would be a big help to me and would save you from reading another shitty post about the general nothingness that occurs in my life. 

Much love. x

I can't even think of a decent title, so I'll just write this instead...

Eurgh.  I do not feel great today.  I know that if I drink to much on a night out, I'm going to feel shit the next day.  I never learn though.  I feel totally weak, I can feel my heart beating in my chest at times.  The funny thing is that I'm still eyeing the 6-pack of Budweiser that is in the corner... it's calling to me.  I can hear it.

Me;  Damn you Beer... damn you to hell.

Beer;  But Adam, I taste so good.

Me;  I know, you're delicious, but if I drink you I'll feel crappy tomorrow.

Beer;  You don't have to drink all of us, just a couple...

Me;  We both know that won't happen.

So I go back to writing my blog.  Ha.  Screw you beer, I win this time.

Beer; Aaaaaadaaam...

Me;  Shut up!

Beer;  Aaaaadaaaaaaaaaaaam...

Me; Oh, fuck it.  *Ksssssk*

Beer;  Yeah, that felt good didn't it?

Me;  Don't push your luck.

Cigarettes;  Aaaaaadaaaaaaaam...

I am going to die a slow, painful death and it will be totally self-inflicted.  I hate me.

Oh my God, I just sneezed EVERYWHERE...

... it was truly disgusting. 

I am so groggy this morning, well, I say 'morning', it's actually 1:30pm.  I had gotten into a decent sleep pattern with having to get up at 7:30am every morning for work, but I ruined it last night by staying up until the early hours. 

I read the Newspaper yesterday to discover that 'Swine Flu' had been hyped up solely to promote the sale of Anti-Swine drugs.  Who didn't know that anyway?  I've never bought into any of that 'pandemic' bollocks.  With the amount of hypochondriacs in this country, it's no wonder that everyone went mental for Tamiflu.  I honestly believe that I have had Swine Flu already.  My two housemates had it a few months back and a couple of days after they got it, I got a blocked nose and a cough... and that was it.  I was fine in like, 2 days.  Once again our government wastes money by buying in a load of shit that we don't need.  Thanks Mr Brown, as if our debts aren't big enough already...

I also read that the Liberal Democrats (my political party of choice) have gone back on some of their policies.  They say that we can no longer afford free University education or free personal care for the elderly.  Fair enough I say.  I'd rather they be honest than lie through their teeth.  They'll still receive my vote.  Plus, no tax for people who earn under £10,000 a year and a 'Mansion tax' for anyone who's home is worth more than £1 Million.  Brilliant idea.  A bit like Robin Hood really, butt-fuck the rich and sort out the poor.  Good lads.

Right, I've got to go and get ready for work now.

Catch you later. x

The Banana that I'm eating is hard and makes my mouth feel funny

- I hope it doesn't make me sick.  It definitely wasn't ripe enough.  Just a random little snippet of my life for you.

Bah! I can't find my Camera or the USB lead for my phone.  I was going to post a picture of where I'm staying at the moment but I can't because my Photo-posting equipment has been packed in one of the million (literally) bags that litter the Mother's loft space (my makeshift bedroom).

I have become obsessed with blip.fm it is actually amazing.  I figured I'm always listening to music whilst I'm on the Net so why not?  Why did nobody tell me about that site earlier?  It is an incredible source of music.  So if you're reading, go take a look, you will LOVE it.  The link to my station is on the right --->

I've been finding it a bit hard to write my posts recently, mainly because I've been working lots so I haven't had time for much else and I can't write about work because of confidentiality issues.  Don't worry, deeper, more meaningful posts will materialise, but for now you'll just have to put up with my ramblings.

Oh crap, I forgot to arrange for my Xbox to be picked up so it can go on it's journey to Germany to get fixed.

Lastly, I HAVE to post this!  This guy's Music is MINDBLOWING!  A cool twist on Beatboxing.  LOVE IT!








Catch you later. x