Letter to Myself

So I've lately seen a few people doing this, where you write a letter to yourself when you were younger, giving yourself advice.  It's pretty cool and can give readers a bit of insight into the writer's life.  That's what I found when I read other people's anyway, so I thought I'd do one, partially for myself and partially so that you guys could maybe learn a little about me =]

So here goes...

Dear 15 year old Me...

Hey, how's it going?  Stupid question really, I know exactly how it's going, which is pretty good for now.  There's a few things I should warn you about though.  You've just turned 15, things at school are pretty good and your social life is not too shabby.  Pretty soon your mates are going to start smoking weed, now everybody experiments, so go for it.  Don't start smoking that shit every day though, it's expensive and it makes you stupid, I mean, really fucking stupid.  It's ok to be dumb on the weekend when you're with your dumb friends, but it's not so cool to be dumb when you're at work and you have to converse with members of the public.  Plus, if you start smoking that shit every day, you'll get addicted to tobacco and then you'll be stuck smoking for the rest of your life, I still haven't managed to kick the habit.  No more than once a week, seriously, or I'll kick my own ass right now.

Get a haircut.  I'm not joking.  You think that your 'Buff' (as Jack named it) is cool, but you look like a douche.  Girls aren't into that shit.

Pretty soon Rachel is going to have a party.  Now, have a few beers, that's fine.  It's not fine to get absolutely shitfaced, kiss every girl that will stand still and end the night kissing and touching up your friend Darren's ex-girlfriend.  Especially not right in front of him, like, on the couch next to him.  Oh, one of those girls that you might kiss is Jen, the one you and Ben joke about in Biology?  The one with a head like a hot-air balloon.  Yeah, you know who I mean now.  Sloth will save you by breaking that shit up, but your tongue will totally touch hers (bad times).  So think before you drink sunshine.

Whilst we're on the topic of drinking, when you get to about 17, drinking is going to be a big part of your life.  Take it fucking easy.  It's fine to go out, yeah, but try not to get so drunk that you...

1. Cry
2. Expose yourself in a taxi (although that is kinda funny)
3. Hump a jukebox (again, funny. The landlady wont think that though)
4. Have a 'who can fall down the stairs best' competition
5. Lose a shoe and walk home barefoot
5. Sleep on the floor in a public toilet

None of these things are good.  Especially not the public toilet thing.

Now, this letter is going on a bit, so I'll bullet point the other points that I have to make...

-When you go to college, do the fucking work or you'll be stuck with a dead-end job.
- Stay funny, it's the only way you'll be able to get girls, I mean, you aint much of a looker.
- That German army shirt you wear all the time?  It looks like shit, sorry kid, someone had to say it.
- Steer clear of magic mushrooms, if you take them you will almost puke because you think your bathroom is 'too yellow'. Your bathroom is white.
- When that crazy girl asks 'are you going to piss me off?' Say no or she'll bust your lip.
- Don't let Ben use your hair as a 'Laura Tasche'.  Paul will tell her 'They're taking the piss out of your moustache' and the next day she will shave it off.  Funny, yes.  But also really, really harsh.
- When you find that Cornish Pasty in Darren's room, make sure you put it under his pillow.
- Writing 'Merk F is a fat gay' on the pavement outside Mark's house is totally worth the shit you'll get from his Mum.

I think that's all I can tell you.  If you take my advice, you'll turn out just fine.  Or... you could choose to ignore it, in which case you'll end up just like me.  Yeah, scary shit.

Yours truly.